Feminism at home
When I was younger, I believed women could do anything if they put their minds to it. I still do. Lately though, I have wondered how feminism has changed life on the home front for women.
My mother was married at 14 and was the primary caregiver for 3 children by the time she was 21. She has a middle-school education, was never financially independent and has never worked outside of home. She vowed that she would give a better life to her 2 girls and made sure that we were educated and knew what marriage was before we got married. She accomplished both those goals.
Fast forward to my life, I have 2 Masters Degrees from 2 different IITs and a Ph.D. in Computer Science. I worked until our 3rd child was born. Now, I am a homemaker with 3 children going to 3 different public schools. At this point I feel my life isn’t much different than my mother’s.
When I worked 45 miles away from home, it somehow still fell to me to take care of the home – cleaning, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping. My husband helped me but the responsibility was always mine. Feminism gave the women the right to do man’s work as well. When our 3rd child was born, I couldn’t keep up the work on both fronts and I decided to stay home.
There are times when I get frustrated with my humdrum life. There is always a never-ending list of jobs to be done: laundry, cooking, cleaning, mending, shopping. You can never say, “Ha! The laundry project is done. I can move on to a different project.” because you’ll have to do it again soon. So, what did feminism give me?
It gave me the opportunity to travel. I came to the US to get a Ph.D. That gave me the financial independence which led me to my future husband. My husband appreciates that I take an equal interest in our investments and seeks my input on major decisions. In other words, I am an equal partner in our marriage in a way my mother never was. You can’t be unless you are financially independent.
That is possibly a reason the divorce rate is much higher in America than in India. Indian women (barring a few) are not financially independent from their husbands. Even if the wife makes more than the husband, a divorce hurts the woman more than a man. He could probably make a life with another woman but questions will be raised about the divorcee’s ‘values’. Consequently, the woman stays with a man even if she is not happy.
So, what does feminism give woman – CHOICE. The choice to stay married, choice to work outside the home, choice to be a homemaker. It also gives the husband a strong, educated woman who can take care of the family financially, if need arises. All we need now is masculinism (I just made it up!) to give the man the right to do the housework without losing the masculinity.
